Monday, July 20, 2009

Walking on...

My dear gentle readers...

As I've written this blog, I've tried to be honest and open in bringing you thoughts on life in my small corner of the world. Some days are triumphs. Some days are failures. And most are somewhere in between.

Don't misunderstand, I strive for the successes. I'm not one to be content with mediocrity. And to me, the in between places are just that: mediocrity.

So, when it comes to my health and related issues, I work toward being well, whole and well-functioning. However, of late I have been struggling mightily.

Those of you who follow along will know that I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia (and various and sundry other stuff) and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. To those who have not experienced this, it's akin to being in pain 24/7 and fatigued beyond belief. And better yet, the muscle weakness is overwhelming. All of it makes keeping my work schedule and household chores beyond difficult. And I've missed a LOT of work and put off chores til it's getting seriously behind. what? My spiritual self says I have control of all of this through tapping into that Universal Mind I worship as Goddess/Mother Earth. There is strength in Creation that can bring healing to the body. What I need do is meditate on health and walk in that Truth.

And all that sounds great...til it runs headlong into physical reality.

So, lately I'm living in dichotomy: my spiritual knowledge and faith versus my physical reality. And, frankly, I'm getting a headache from it all. Just today, because of the physical reality, Patti and I talked about a walker (you know those fancy ones with seats) and a scooter. I physically can't walk distances. I physically can't keep up with the demands at work. Oh yes, spiritually my insides cry out for health and healing. But on the outside, there's the physical reality. And I feel that if I utilize that equipment, I'm giving in. And without them, safety is a crucial issue.

That's where I am now. Inbetwixt and Inbetween. I'm working on integrating the two separate parts of this. Suggestions are welcome. I just want to be a good person, a good minister, an example of the faith-filled life.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Blessed Be!

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