Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Life - What Happens When We Need a Change












Hello, Gentle Readers...

It's been a while, I know. I wish I could say I've been busy. But that would not be true. I've been buried.

I've often come to this blog to speak my truth. And I sincerely hope that my honesty about my journey has encouraged you to find your own truth. Walking in our truth has its moments of unpleasantness. It is what is beyond the unpleasantness that keeps us journeying forward.

Life lately has been a series of ups and downs, good and not-so-good, encouragement and discouragement...all in one. And when I am pressed on every side it is not uncommon for me to find a dark place to hide. A very dark place. I really can't say I like it there. But it is quiet and people often leave me alone to my own musings. The problem with that is I become an island: a tree standing in the middle of a cold field. I shut everything out and I shut down.

I suppose it's my way of coping. We all have our own mechanisms for that. Some do drugs or alcohol. Some shop. Some work out. I eat. I shut everything out.

I have been in this place for months now. It's become too comfortable. And now I must find the strength to break the walls I've built and crash through the barriers I've erected. I've tried to so hard to control everything around me that I have lost the control I wanted.

I'm sitting here this evening ruminating over time lost, friendships lost, negative energy dragging my spirit. Time to grab the bootstraps and haul myself up. So tonight I make a commitment to myself. I will start the small steps I need to make to begin to dig myself out of this hole. Tonight begins a new chapter. Tonight begins life again.

Wonderful thing, life is. The Universe offers us new beginnings with every moment we are granted on this plane.

So, with one foot forward, today we took the dogs to walk in the Japanese Gardens. It wasn't a long walk, mind you. I don't think my old body is ready for that yet. But it was a walk nonetheless. The dogs (Ranec, Moira and Rainer) loved seeing the ducks and turtles. It was cloudy, overcast and windy. Perfect weather for walking and thinking.

Tomorrow's step is food health. I will begin the day with a good breakfast, paying attention mindfully to the act of sharing a meal. No more junk. I must find control and it is in the act of mindfulness.

Day three will be attitude. The dark place is devastating to my attitude. I've been a real downer. So, as I go back to work on Friday, I'm going to muster my best attitude. I really do love the work I do. I so enjoy my clients. There have been challenges lately and I'm not sure how I will handle those things. But, my attitude will affect all of that. So that is what my next focus will be.

Beyond day three, I have no plans. I figure that's a big enough challenge for now. Physical. Emotional. Spiritual. Mindfulness. Freedom. Join me in the journey. Look inside at where you are and set your sails. Let's be strong together.

Blessed Be, my friends! Blessed Be!

2 comments:

Enduring Gypsy said...

i have that dark place as well, unfortunately i tend to like mine. know that i empathize, and am always here if you need anything. keep up work on mindfulness; you are a strong and amazing woman and i count myself lucky to have you in life. take care of yourself. *big hugs*

MoonMystic said...

Anam Cara, the blessing is mine. Hugs back at ya!