The photo is of me and my heart-kitty, Cosmo. This was taken just a few short hours before she passed over the Bridge, in my arms. And I am torn to the very core at her loss.
You see, I may train dogs by occupation. And it is one about which I am passionate. But my heart belongs to the cat. I connect with cats, especially calico cats, in a very deep and spiritual way. It's something I wish I could explain, but I cannot. And I have always been that person as far back as I can remember.
For a couple of weeks, Cosmo didn't come to bed at night. She would always curl up between my beloved and me. It was strange that she would not come to bed, spending her time instead in the hallway. But last Friday I decided to pick her up and take her to bed with me. She found her way under the covers and at some time during the night I awoke to a wet bed. She had relieved herself during the night. I got up to change the bed and when I moved her, she cried. Odd. But I cleared the bed and Patti and I moved ourselves to the couches for the evening.
The next day, she stayed to herself. I put a pad on the bed for her. She didn't want down. I brought her some soft food which she ate voraciously and downed what seemed like a gallon of water. But within a couple of hours, she vomited everything, water and all. She was losing motor control in her hind end. And she cried when she moved. Something was obviously VERY wrong. I knew she wouldn't be with us very long, in my heart of hearts, but didn't want to believe it.
Saturday evening I laid on the bed and held her. She was somewhat cool to the touch. And I knew. Because of my job loss, we couldn't afford to have her humanely euthanized. So there I was, with my special kitty, trying to make her passing as loving as possible. She would drag herself close to me, crying as she did. But we held to each other as she slowly slipped away.
At one point, she seized and it became obvious she lost her sight. From then on, she had to be touching me. Her breathing would change. Her purr became quieter with each hour. And finally at 2:17am, she cried out and breathed her last...in my arms with Patti caressing her.
In all honesty, that was one of the most difficult things I've ever done or witnessed. I've worked with people during end of life and have some heart-wrenching stories of that time. But to love this sweet cat and hold her as she passed from here to her next life, was a gift. It was horrid...and yet, it was a gift from Goddess.
Our friends were kind enough to set up a chip-in to defray her cremation cost. I have the most wonderful friends in the world. I am truly, truly blessed. And my wonderful, sweet Cosmo will be returned to me Tuesday to take her place among the other animals with whom I've been blessed to share this life.
I know Cosmo will come around again...in spirit form. I will catch her out of the corner of my eye keeping watch. But I will miss her gentle nudges and voiceless meow. I will miss the sound of her breathing as she slept. But I will be forever grateful for the time we shared together. I will linger in the love that she gave so freely.
Blessed rest, my precious Cosmo...until we meet again.